The Most Helpful — And Harmful — Things You Can Do When Someone’s Erratic Posting Becomes A Concern

Justin Bieber has been in the spotlight recently, even more so than usual, after sharing a series of emotional posts online. Earlier this week he opened up about his mental health struggles on Instagram, sharing screenshots of private text messages in which he lashed out at a friend about his trauma and underlying anger issues.

“People keep telling me to heal. Don’t you think if I could have fixed myself I would have already? I know I’m broken,” Bieber wrote in one post.

Bieber isn’t the only person who’s taken to social media to process or express emotional pain. Maybe you’ve seen other celebrities, like Britney Spears and Selena Gomez, do the same. Or, perhaps, you’ve witnessed something similar play out with a family member or friend — seeing someone emotionally unravel on social media isn’t uncommon.

As onlookers, it can be tough to know what to do and say when you see someone — be it a celebrity, colleague or friend — post disturbing screenshots, song lyrics or cryptic messages. So we asked two psychologists what’s the best course of action to take with this sort of thing. Here’s what they said:

When someone is emotionally overwhelmed, the part of their brain responsible for emotional regulation — the amygdala — becomes highly activated, flooding them with intense feelings, explained Jenny Shields, a clinical health psychologist at Shields Psychology & Consulting. At the same time, stress impairs the functioning of the prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain that handles impulse control and decision-making. “This imbalance makes impulsive posting more likely, especially when someone feels deeply hurt, afraid or out of control,” Shields said.

Social media may feel like the only place they can go to feel heard, vent or release intense emotions. “When someone’s in distress, social media can become an outlet for emotions they’re struggling to hold or manage offline,” said Janine O’Brien, a psychologist providing online therapy in New York and Florida, told HuffPost.

How might this manifest online? Well, the person may rapidly fire off multiple posts. They could share personal drama, as Bieber did, and release screenshots of private conversations. Some may write lengthy, intense captions, exhibit dramatic shifts in tone or publicize deeply personal experiences. O’Brien said people may also write vague or ominous comments like, “You’ll understand soon,” or “I can’t do this anymore.”

Though this may seem like the person is oversharing or acting out, keep in mind that they’re actually trying to self-soothe. It’s “an attempt to regulate emotions in the absence of safer tools or people,” Shields said.

If you see a celebrity behaving erratically online, it’s crucial to remember that behind the millions of followers and glitzy photos is a real human being who is emotionally struggling. They experience the same emotional and neurological responses we all do, Shields said. In fact, their public visibility — and the pressure that comes along with that — can intensify their distress.

“Science shows us that being constantly watched or judged activates our brain’s social-threat pathways, leading to heightened emotional reactivity and greater vulnerability to distress,” said Shields, adding that every post may feel like a high-stakes performance to celebs.

What’s the best thing to do? When in doubt, lead with compassion and empathy. Avoid piling on, creating a meme or speculating about their diagnosis, O’Brien said. Doing so can come off as disrespectful and trigger feelings of vulnerability — not only for the celebrity, but for other people who may be going through something similar.

If you wish to comment, a simple message such as “Sending peace” or “Hope you’re OK” offers support and helps reduce any shame they may be feeling, Shields said. You also don’t need to comment. “Sometimes not engaging is the most respectful thing to do,” O’Brien said.

What should you do if someone you personally know exhibits concerning behavior online? Seeing someone post a string of alarming screenshots can be confusing and disturbing — or even irritating. That’s because other people’s behavior can activate your own stress response, Shields said.

Again, lead with compassion. You have a few options here. If you wish to reach out, do so privately. “A simple text like, ‘Saw your post, and I just wanted you to know I’m here if you want to talk,’ can help re-establish emotional safety,” Shields said.

Try not to analyze their behavior or gossip about it with friends, O’Brien advised. That just raises the potential it may get back to them and ignite feelings of shame, judgment and isolation. Besides, social media only provides a snapshot of what someone’s going through. “Even mental health professionals can’t diagnose or fully understand someone’s mental state based on their posts alone,” she said.

If you’re concerned about their safety, privately involve a trusted person, such as a close friend or family member within their inner circle. “A message like, ‘Hey, I saw [Name]’s post and just wanted to check if you’ve been in touch,’ can open the door to a well-check without causing too much alarm,” Shields said.

Your goal should be to provide reassurance and a steady, stable presence. When in doubt, ask yourself this: “If this were someone I deeply care about — my friend, my sibling or even a younger version of myself — how would I want them to be treated?”