Tom Brady recently opened up about how his widely watched roast on Netflix affected his kids — and why he thinks the event was ultimately a parenting “fuck up.”
During an appearance on Logan Paul’s “Impaulsive” podcast, which was posted on Tuesday, the retired NFL star shared that he regretted that his participation in Netflix’s “The Roast of Tom Brady,” which aired last year, upset his kids.
In typical roast fashion, Brady was the butt of the jokes as comedians like Kevin Hart and Nikki Glaser took turns brutally skewering him throughout the three-hour-long event. And several of the jokes hurled Brady’s way were quips about the dissolution of his marriage with his ex-wife, supermodel Gisele Bündchen, and her current relationship with her former jiu-jitsu instructor.
Brady explained on “Impaulsive” that his children, Benjamin, 15, and Vivian, 12, were not pleased about the jokes directed at their mother. The retired NFL star also shares son Jack, 17, with actor Bridget Moynahan.
“It was tough on my kids for sure,” he said, before he explained that he loves laughing at himself and having people in his circle make fun of him. “But I do understand for my kids that was really hard.”
“There’s some things [as] a parent you fuck up, and you don’t realize until after,” he said. “We’re not perfect parents … there’s no perfect manual for it, and you gotta evaluate yourself as a parent, too, all the time.”
Brady said it felt like he had a “stake through the heart” when he talked about the roast with his kids the next day.
“They’re protective of their mom, their dad,” he said, adding that his kids asked, “What was the point of that?”
Kathryn “Nin” Emery, a licensed professional counselor who specializes in relationships, coping skills and parenting with Thriveworks, said that Brady’s remarks about how the Netflix roast upset his children highlight one of the crucial things kids need from parents: repair.
“Unintentionally embarrassing/offending/disappointing your children is inevitable,” Emery said. “Obviously, don’t intentionally harm, scare, shame or otherwise abuse your children. But you will, in some way, shape or form, accidentally harm your children.”
“Have you heard about the adult children who distance themselves from their parents? Usually, it’s because proper repair wasn’t there. Not just an apology,” she continued.
Emery said that research on attachment and parenting has shown that perfection is not what’s needed in parenting, but instead “repair, empathy and growth.”
“As parents, we should acknowledge our child’s perspective, take accountability for the hurt or harm we caused them, and genuinely commit ourselves to learning from our mistakes and doing our true best not to be a repeat offender,” she said.
Racine Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified clinical trauma professional, said she thinks Brady’s admission about making a mistake was important, especially since he didn’t “minimize or dismiss what his kids expressed.”
“Parents model everything for their kids, and it’s important that we are intentional about modeling positive and healthy ways to cope, respond and reconcile with things; especially the hard and uncomfortable things,” she said.
Matt Winkelmeyer via Getty Images
Parents are constantly being watched by their kids — even when parents don’t realize it.
Emery said that kids pick up on their parents’ behavior “far more than we think they do.”
“The ways in which we treat them, ourselves and the people around us teach them how to navigate the world,” she said.
As it relates to Brady’s roast on Netflix, Emery said that an event like that — that she described by nature as “abusive” and that lacks “emotional sensitivity and boundaries” — may be hard for children to understand.
In general, “the way you treat your partner (and even your ex) is huge in how your kids learn to treat themselves and others,” Emery explained.
She added: “Impact can matter more than intent in some circumstances. If a child looks scared or withdraws after you and your partner have a confrontation, it’s important to model repair with your partner (or co-parent) in front of the kids and repair with the kids too.”
Henry emphasized that it’s important for “kids to see their parents treating each other with respect and for their parents to communicate in a safe and healthy way.”
“This doesn’t mean parents can’t argue or express anger, but it does mean that kids also need to see the repair, apologizing and resolution of the disagreement,” she said. “This is especially important when parents are not in a romantic relationship, like Brady and Bündchen.”
Leading with empathy is key when your kids feel disappointed by something you did.
Henry said it’s important that parents acknowledge how brave and important it is that their child expressed how they honestly felt about something, “even if it was hard or scary” to do so.
“Reiterate that the parent is a safe space and always willing to listen to what their child is thinking or feeling, even if its anger or hurt,” she said.
Emery said it’s important for parents to acknowledge their kids’ “emotional experience and perspective” when they’ve expressed they’re upset about something their parents did.
“Acknowledging doesn’t mean you agree; it just helps them feel seen, heard and understood. Affirm that they aren’t crazy for feeling the way they feel,” she said, adding that parents can then “move on to accountability and repair.”
“A parent’s ability to be loving enough with themselves and fight their own shame and imperfections or insecurities, so that they can show up and take accountability for the harm they caused, is what is paramount,” she later said.
Overall, Emery thinks it’s important that parents just do their best to repair after any form of disconnection.
“Please, believe in the ever-growing, ever-learning parent that is you. Believe in the power of love. You’ve got this,” she said.
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